January 2003

Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened. - Anatole France

Anyone who has ever loved or been loved by a pet has or will experience the pain of losing that pet. Sadly our pet's lives are short - perhaps that is why they are so filled with love and joy. They know their time on earth is short. Our topic this month is pet loss. A difficult subject we know, but one that at some time, all pet owners must face.

Preparation
Your relationship with your pet is special. You are responsible for its care and welfare and for making decisions regarding the end of its time with you. Eventually, most pet owners are faced with the final decision. It is a difficult process. The decision need not be made alone; your veterinarian, family, and friends can assist and support you in your decision making process. Sometimes facing those decisions now, while your pet is still happy and healthy, can be helpful in those last moments. Consider what is best for you, your family, and your pet. Remember, quality of life is important for pets, too. Consider, if you have the choice, how you would like to interact with you pet in its final moments. Would special one-on-one time be best, or would you prefer to be surrounded by your family and friends? And last, consider what you would like to have done with your pet after death. Would you like to have your pet buried or cremated, and if you choose cremation, would you like to have the ashes returned to you? Many pet owners find that a memorial service, with the whole family involved, is very helpful in easing the pain of loss. (See the recommended reading list at the end of this article for a list of helpful books for adults and children dealing with pet loss.)

Is my pet in pain?
Pets are very good at hiding pain. It is not uncommon for a pet owner to not recognize the signs. The symptoms of pain in pets are varied. There are obvious signs, such as whimpering, limping, or difficulty walking, running, or jumping. Then there are more subtle signs, such as panting, restlessness, loss of appetite, or repetitious licking. Sometimes just acting differently or changes in normal behavior are a symptom of some degree of discomfort. If your pet has been diagnosed with a terminal illness or has had some traumatic injury, your veterinarian will prescribe pain control medication. Do not hesitate to call your veterinarian if the medication does not seem to be controlling your pet's pain.

When is the right time?
(Please be sure you fully understand your pet's diagnosis and prognosis. If you have any questions at all, speak to your veterinarian.) You and your veterinarian have done everything possible for your pet. You know your time with your pet is limited. How do you know when is the right time? Many factors play into the answer to that question. Financial concerns must be considered. What is your family situation - has everyone had a chance to say goodbye? Finally, the most important consideration for you to make is determining your pet's quality of life? Is he responding to you in his usual manner? Is his pain controlled? Is he still interested in eating and interacting with you and your family? Generally speaking, you will know when it is time.

What should I know about euthanasia and my options?
You will need to have made the decision regarding the handling of your pet's remains. Let the veterinarian know of your choice when you bring your pet in for euthanasia. Commonly, pets are given a sedative injection before the euthanasia solution is administered. This medication will relax the pet completely. Then the veterinarian will administer the euthanasia solution intravenously. Your pet's breathing and heartbeat will stop within seconds of the injection. Sometimes, as muscles relax, a pet will urinate or defecate. Occasionally, a pet will have muscle spasms or appear to take a breath, but these are simply functions of the nervous system. These spasms will not last long.

Most people choose to be with their pet while the euthanasia solution is administered. However, it is your choice and should you choose not to be present, rest assured your pet will be treated with respect and loving care in your absence. Some pet owners bring a favorite toy or blanket they wish to go with their pet after euthanasia. You may want to schedule a home visit for euthanasia. Most veterinarians are willing to offer this option as their last service for their patients. The veterinarian will then take your pet back to the office for pick up by the cremation service. If you've chosen to have your pet's ashes returned to you, that service generally takes 24-48 hours.

Dealing with the loss of your pet
Grief is a complex process. It is a normal and healthy response to the loss of a loved one. Grieving takes time - it may last weeks, months, or even years.

There are six distinct stages of grief. You may experience some or all of these emotions and you may experience them in any order.

• Denial -Especially if the death of your pet is unexpected or accidental, you may experience denial, unable to accept that the pet is dead.
• Anger - It is not unusual to feel angry. You may be angry with yourself, your veterinarian, or even your pet because they left you alone.
• Bargaining - The "what if" stage can be very difficult. You may think of many things that you could have done differently and wonder if they would have changed the outcome.
• Guilt - Making the decision to euthanize your pet may feel like you are responsible for your pet's death.
• Relief - Some pet owners experience relief after the death of a pet, especially in the case of chronic disease and long term nursing care.
• Resolution - This is the final stage. Grief eases over time. The overwhelming emotions taper off and the healing begins.

Sometimes, people around you may not understand the special relationship between you and your pet. They may not offer the support that you need. You may feel like no one understands you. There are pet loss support groups available. Do not hesitate to ask your veterinarian about support groups in your area. It can make the grieving process much easier if you can share it with people who understand what you are going through. Also, there are many websites dedicated to pet loss. Please visit our links page to visit some of those sites.

Saying goodbye
Here are some ideas for things that you and your family can do to memorialize your pet:

• Write a story or poem in honor of your pet
• Write a letter to your pet
• Draw a picture or create a sculpture of your pet
• Ask the veterinarian to make a clay paw print
• Make a donation to a humane organization or favorite charity in honor of your pet
• Volunteer your time at a humane organization or favorite charity in honor of your pet
• Scatter your pet's ashes in special places
• Plant a tree, bush, or a special plant in honor of your pet
• Place a marker at your pet's burial site
• Plan and hold a memorial service
• Create a photo album or collage of your pet

When is the right time to get another pet?
This is a very personal decision. Some pet owners want to get another pet right away; many wait weeks, months, even years before getting another pet. Since the grieving process takes longer in some people than others, all family members should take part in the decision to get a new pet. Some may not be ready as quickly as others. Generally speaking, you will know when the time is right for a new pet.

Reading list
The list is lengthy as there are many informative books available to help you and your family through this difficult time. There are many more listed on pet loss websites.

• Because of Flowers and Dancers - Sandra Brackenridge (age 5-11)
• Jim's Dog Muffins - Miriam Cohen (age 4-6)
• Rosalie - Joan Hewett (age 4-8)
• The Black Dog Who Went into the Woods - Edith Thatcher Hurd (age 5-10)
• When a Pet Dies - Fred Rogers (age 3-8)
• Growing Time - Sandal Warburg (age 8-10)
• I'll Always Love You - Hans Wilhelm (age 4-8)
• The Tenth Good Thing About Barney - Judith Viorst - (age 5-adult)
• The Fall of Freddie the Leaf - Leo Buscaglia (all ages)
• Charlotte's Web - E.B. White
• Mustard - Charlotte Graeber
• Goodbye My Friend - Mary Ann Montgomery
• Pet Loss: A Thoughtful Guide for Parents and Children - Herbert Neiburg (all ages)
• When Your Pet Dies, How to Cope With Your Feelings - Jamie Quackenbush and Denise Graveline in association with the American Animal Hospital Association (age 11-adult)
• Chicken Soup for the Pet Lover's Soul - Jack Canfield, Editor

For all those pets we remember in our hearts:

Rainbow Bridge - Author Unknown

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water, and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the pets who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing: they each miss someone very special, someone who was left behind. They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. Their bright eyes are intent. Their eager body begins to quiver. Suddenly they break from the group, flying over the green grass, faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into those trusting eyes, so long gone from your life, but never from your heart. Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together…

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